What to do about it?

Oh my goodness!! Those words brought me out of a sound (well, I snore a little, so it really wasn't soundless) sleep.

Why? I realized that I had not purchased or given a Christmas gift to two of the teachers at Woodland Elementary. (I am the lead room rep for a 5th grade class that had no official mom or dad volunteer. These two teachers are not Cayla's core teacher.) I gave Cayla's core teacher a gift. But, I did nothing for these other two co-teachers.

I think that I feel badly because I did the 12 days of Christmas for Cayla's teacher. I was so proud of the idea. I lovingly picked out each gift for 12 days.

This is how the "sorry" cycle begins. My gut response is to own up and say, "I am so sorry." But the 2011 challenge of "Sorry - Really" will not allow me to do this without more self-examination.

Sorry - Really Method
Step 1: Identify the issue
Didn't give a gift.

Step 2: Evaluate the issue and ask the questions?
Was this my responsibility?
Should I bring attention to my forgetfulness?

Step 3: Construct a hypothesis
If I get a gift now, then I will look stupid.
If I get a gift now, then it will call attention to something that they didn't even notice.
If I get a gift now, then it becomes about me and not them.

Step 4: Test my hypothesis by asking someone else's opinion
Imagined conversation because it is too early in the morning to wake them up and ask.
David: Get over it. No big deal.
Fellow Room mom: I am sure that the other parents provided plenty of gifts. They didn't expect one from you too.

Step 4: Analyze
How did it happen: I over committed myself during an already busy time.

Step 5: Conclusion
I dropped the ball (pea size).
I will feel guilty when I see them at school.

Ultimately, 'I am sorry' does (in this case) boil down to me!

So sorry - really

Day 1

I said, "sorry" several times today, and it is only 11:51. Do I say this word too much? Am I genuine with its use? Bad form during my workout - sorry because I know I can do better; running late this morning --regretted that I made my husband worry; bad cell reception --felt bad about making the customer call me on a land line; misunderstanding with a vendor--horrified that I did not get clarification a month ago.

After my last "I'm sorry," I decided to pay closer attention to when I or others say these words.

I spend a lot of my time communicating via email, phone or in person with a pretty diverse group of individuals. I wonder how many people are genuine with their regret. Is it sent from the heart or just the mouth?

My quest this year is to find out why people say "I am sorry." Is it a lie to get them out of a bigger infraction such as dropping the ball, being lazy, or being thoughtless? Is it a cop-out, a habit, or a gap filler. Do you say it to make you feel better?

I am going to keep a journal and update it on this blog. Why? Because by the end of today, I estimate that I will say "I am sorry" about 40 times. That is 1.67 times each hour. I may even say it more like 80 times a day. I have a problem! As I sit here writing this, I am multi-tasking in my head. I have thought of two emails that I still need to send, a phone call that I need to make, and a voice mail that I need to listen and respond to. Since I procrastinated, I may need to apologize to these individuals. Had I done these things in a timely manner, there would be no need to say, "I am sorry."

So, I begin this new quest of self discovery with the words "So sorry, really."